Archive for the ‘Bubba Barksalot’ Category

Confessions of a Grinder Vinny the VenetianConfessions of a Grinder

I called Bubba today and asked him about stuff happening at his end, and especially about poker. He agreed to a phone interview for this week’s blog and promised he’d write one himself next week. Bubba was really excited about the fact that his game has now reached a new level. He was even more excited about the Longhorns vs Sooners and A&M vs Ole Miss games tomorrow, and somehow I felt his undying love for Ole Miss – the same love he has had for any team that faces the Fighting Texas Aggies. Okay. I’ll cut to the chase, and write very briefly about our conversation. Enjoy!

Me:  Thanks so much for agreeing to write and share your insights man. How’s it going with you? Tell us about your recent poker experiences.
Bubba:  Oh. It’s a goin’! Haha I love this site . . .  it has some really cool stuff . . . thanks for letting me write and it’s a good idea to have a real poker player write for a change. heh.. . this TPS stuff is kinda like my know the stuff I sell.. by the way dude, I tell you what.. I just came up with this awesome poker hat.. boy, I tell ya . . . them hats gonna’ sell like hotcakes in a state fair.. * chuckle * I’ve had like.. four guys.. call me and tell me.. dude that’s the best hat I’ve ever seen in my life.. could I please have one.. I wuz like I know I know! Hang on.. I’ve had a guy ask me to make him 50,000 hats by December dude.. and
Me: (at this point I had to interrupt him) Yea umm . . .  that’s great man. What about Poker?
Bubba:  Yeah, dude I read this book last week that I found in the McDonald’s parking lot right next to my truck,  while I was on my way to Elmer Dinkley’s cash game at NeeHaw, TX, and I tell you what . . . It’s about this guy who talks about calling a bluff when you see someone nervously swallow his saliva and see his Adam’s Apple move, and then if you see someone lick his lips or dig his nose . . . you snap-call him, and it has taken my game to a new level man… now all I do is keep swallowing my saliva when I have the nuts. . .the other day I wanted this guy to call me so bad cuz I had a full-house, and I kept swallowing for 15 minutes till I had to go to the bathroom and then dug my nose and blinked my eye till I had to go find me some Kleenex… but he still wouldn’t call.. I’m still working on it… Ima beast man.. these fools cannot beat me.. I’m gonna keep swallowing and beat them all!
Me: (sigh) That’s great Bubba. Your thoughts on the college football games tomorrow? How’s the atmosphere in Aggieland? You excited?
Bubba:  Boy I tell you what . . . that Johnny Manziel is a nut. . . that boy ain’t right.. all you fools worship him . . . you guys are silly geese.. . he’s no good.. he sold out and when he does, he’s gonna be glad he left you morons.. . Ole Miss is gonna kick y’alls you know what.. . y’all are just y’all aggies screw y’all.. I’m rooting for Ole Miss! And the Longhorns they gonna beat them Sooners and no ones gonna touch ma boy Mack Brown..he’s gonna be coaching them for ten years… I’m gonna’ have ma Longhorn Tee on tomorrow! Whoop!
Me:  Whoop?
Bubba: I mean . . . hook ’em horns . . . go Longhorns . . . go Ole Miss..go . . . wait a minute that reminds me . . . I gotta go. I just had an awesome lunch.. two devil dogs, fries, and a shake, and I gotta go.. if ya know what I mean…
Me:  All right man.. hey thanks again.. I hope we hear some interesting stories from you next week  . . . our readers are dying to listen to what you will have to say . . . about poker.
Bubba: Yea sure… Hey. I’ll call you later ok? I need to send you the book on how to call someone’s all-in if he strokes his beard and digs his belly button.. you’ll be as good as me dude .. wait and watch…
Poker Chips from the Texas Poker StoreMe: Thanks man. I cannot wait. Take care then.
Bubba: Later…

I am sure Bubba’s personal blogs are going to be worth a read. I’ll make sure I read them when my poker chips are down.

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Confessions of a Grinder Vinny the VenetianConfessions of a Grinder

I tell tales and stories that probably captivate some of my friends, but my poker stories are as bland as some of those stories you get to hear standing in a group of poker amateurs before, during and after a tournament. And then, every once in a while, you happen to sit at a poker table, and find one guy running his mouth non-stop, entertaining a few, while mostly distressing and frustrating most of the other players, with his poker lore. I know a guy just like that. In fact, he’s a  bud of mine and a self-proclaimed poker-pro, and he recently bumped into me.

Bubba BarkalotIntroducing Bubba Barksalot.

He is your typical hustler, a freak of nature, a spooky-eyed has-been, a tall-tale apparent prodigy, an egocentric empty vessel, always broke, and yet always ready to live and die for the game, but boy I tell you what; he is pure entertainment at the poker table. I quoted Bubba there, because he usually starts his statements with ‘Boy I tell you what!…’, he reminds me a little of Hank Hill, but I’d say the wrong end of it, if Hank Hill went wrong, he’d probably be Bubba. Don’t get me wrong. In a strange way I love the guy. He might drink 16 cans of Mello-Yello every day and with a size-48-gut talk about how he is the most fearsome fighter in this world while challenging another bald fat southerner to a friendly training session; or he might absolutely nerve wrack you with his bizarre serpentine pre-poker career route and his morose sports achievements; but deep down he has a good heart. (and if you say, “so did Hitler”, I will just have my own awkward defeated moment of silence, because you could be right). Bubba Barksalot is also a die-hard Dallas Cowboys and UT Longhorns fan, while he loves living among the Aggies. A true longhorn indeed!

Just after bumping into me and just three minutes into our conversation, he mentioned some great new poker products he wants to produce, which are hopefully going to be endorsed by Comedy Central…blah, blah, blah. With his spooky eyes half-an-inch popped out and his mid-section three inches tubbier than when I last met him, this lovable gasbag entertained me for thirty minutes about how relentless and menacing he is at the poker table. Believe it or not, he actually is! Like they say, “The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Grease”, Bubba always happens to suck-out on those who fear him, and yet always seems to be dead broke owing to his self-proclaimed immense knowledge about the game.

Bubba has agreed to give his weekly poker insights for the Texas Poker Store blog. I have decided to give Bubba a chance for a few weeks, knowing that, if nothing else, his verbal gems are going to have you Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud (ROTFLOL). I look forward to interviewing him once a week, and posting his insights on poker events, players, football, and life in general! Should be hysterical. Let us know what you think of Bubba Barkalot by leaving us your comments.

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